Beauty influencer Anchal Seda on her debut book and the struggles of living your best life as a brown girl

It’s perhaps fair to say, that the role of influencer as a job, is one that rankles many as they seek to question and understand it’s place within larger society. Contributing to this narrative are a fair few leaked emails and social media messages from influencers that has led to a generalised reputation of unpleasantness. But south Asian beauty influencer Anchal Seda defies all of this.

Not only is she bubbly, friendly and charming but her work genuinely empowers others and creates and celebrates diversity in the historically white washed beauty industry. Whether it’s creating makeup videos to show brown women how to do makeup that suits their skin tone or shedding light on problems that young south Asian women face and therefore helping them feel less alone through her podcast, What Would the Aunties Say and agony aunt Sunday series, Anchal is a truly unique influencer. And one of the few south Asian ones out there.

Now, she’s released her first book, also titled; What Would the Aunties Say? And what indeed would they say? That is an ever persistent thought in the back (and usually the front) of most brown girls’ minds. Whether it’s when they’re having an night out on the town with their girlfriends, sneaking in a lunch date with their boyfriends or wearing a slightly low cut top, brown girls are aways on high alert for any vigilant aunties who might spy them and inform their parents or spread gossip about them through the community.

And as Anchal shares in her book, it’s a struggle she too is intimately aware of. The genesis of the book came from her podcast and her Sunday agony aunt sessions through which she was sent hundreds of problems from real brown girls all around the world. “When I was doing the podcast, I realised there's so much to still talk about,” she explains. “Like in a podcast episode, I have to kind of limit it to 45 minutes to an hour. There's only so long myself and a guest can discuss something and also, those topics would still be very much focused on my experience and their experience within that topic. Whereas I felt like I needed to kind of discuss these topics more and further and get real world problems.”

Each chapter is a different problem commonly experienced by brown girls from dating and interracial relationships to racism and gender inequality, followed by Anchal’s advice on how to deal with it. “Every single brown girl problem that’s in the book is a brown girl problem that's been sent to me by a real brown girl, by one of my followers. None of them are made up or just plucked out of thin air. They're real life issues. So I just felt like I'll be able to dive deeper into the things that I wanted to talk about in a book because there's no sort of limit is there to how much you can say and I mean I could've written more, but I feel like for me, it's already quite a big book. But yeah, there's so much to say and I feel like when you're writing, you can think about what you actually want to say and get everything [down] and look at things also in different angles.”

This is a winning aspect of the book. Although Anchal empathises with and relates to each problem, she also makes the effort of understand where the Aunties may be coming from and how their difficult experiences have shaped their strict and narrow perspectives today, adding both depth and nuance to the culture of aunties, societal expectations and community gossip.“I'm trying to understand where they're coming from,” she says. “I'm not saying what they do is right, but at the same time, in order for you to grow as a person, you need to understand why they are the way they are and why they are being the way they are towards you and it will only help you.”

The book is wholly unique in it’s content which was important for Anchal.“We have brown girl books and we have South Asian authors for sure, but nothing that actually has real life issues and I feel like it's kind of in a relaxed way. A bit like how it feels on my podcasts. I want you to feel like you're sitting with me and we're having a chat or you're sitting with your friend and you're having a chat about something that’s bothered you or what's going on in your life.” And she certainly does make the book feel like a friend - relatable and like you’re less alone in your experiences. There are also plenty of moments of humour and it’s tone is understanding and non-judgemental. In other words, Anchal’s personality shines through the pages.

Writing the book was a new experience for her and one her publishers gave her only three months to do during which she says she had to keep on making YouTube videos and doing social media. Anchal also had to keep the book a secret during it’s creation so when girls were sending her their problems, they didn’t know they were sending them in for a book. The hardest parts of writing the book, she says, were being mindful of not hurting her loved ones by sharing too much and trying to write for everyone and be as inclusive as possible. “I know the whole book isn't going to relate to everyone but I wanted everyone to relate to one bit at least,” she explains.

To aid with this, very cleverly and succinctly, at the start of the book, Anchal, broadly categorises brown girls and aunties into one of four groups. The idea is to make it easier to speak about different brown girl experiences through the course of the book and so that all readers can find a bit of themselves in each of them. “And we kind of change who we are as time goes on or at a family event, we'll be a bit more by the book but when we're out with our friends, it's like the wild west,” she says, referring to two categories of brown girls. “So yeah, I felt like it was important to break it down even for people who don’t understand who the aunties are and brown girls as well, for them to understand too.” In fact, her terminology of brown girls and aunties could very well one day become the lingo. “I mean my parents are already using the lingo,” she says laughing. “Like if they see someone on TikTok; ‘she’s a hot auntie or she's a spicy auntie’ and even by the book, on the fence and wild west, I feel like they're such a fun way to describe brown girls without being insulting and without being nasty. It's just a good way of describing a certain type of brown girl.”

If her parents are using the lingo, did she forewarn them about the contents of her book? “I just said to my parents that you're not reading it but they're read it. I was like it's not for you so you can't read it but they've read it and they were fine. But I didn’t really want to ask permission or I didn’t want to hold back because at the end of the day, the book was to help other brown girls. So if I left anything out just because I was worried about what they were going to think, I wouldn’t have done brown girls justice. It would have felt like I'm treading on eggshells again and it goes against what would the aunties say, it goes against a brown girl that is going to speak up. So there were definitely parts that my dad was just like, I didn’t agree there, but if he doesn’t agree, I feel like I'm doing something right.”

What about the aunties then? What's their reaction been so far? “Everyone is really proud obviously.” she says but “a few months ago, one auntie was like are these brown girl problems, are they really happening? She sort of just questioned everything and I was literally triggered so much and I just used that as like fuel and energy to be like yes! It’s so crazy because I think they genuinely think these things aren't happening but no. Some have been open to it and I've had some aunties say that they're really enjoying it which is good, so yeah. I think it can be a really good like talking point between families and parents and what not because I think sometimes the older generation can be a bit unaware as to how we're feeling. So I guess this is a good way of starting that conversation.”

Her favourite part of the book, she says is the dating chapter: “I just love that one. I find it fun. Like where I share the bullet points and dos and don'ts of dating a brown girl, that I think is really cool and I think everyone needs to see that part because it's just so common. Like the thing about us having to whisper on the phone, like all of that kind of stuff. I just turned 30 and I still have to do this, so it's ridiculous!” Impressively, Anchal has advice for this and every problem she addresses in the book. “All of the advice was myself,” she says when I ask if she had help coming up with it. “I'm someone that like if I'm your friend, I'm literally rooting for you 100% and I am that person that people can come to for advice. I guess I just enjoy giving advice and helping people in that way. So I don’t know, it's just something that I've done, through doing my brown girl problem videos, brown girl confessions videos, I would just instantly react to whatever someone has sent to me. So yeah, everything that I came up with and it's everything that I genuinely think and feel.”

Along with delivering stellar advice, Anchal is a role model to young brown women all over the world. For those looking to launch careers on YouTube, she advises, “to be consistent and to stay true to yourself. Like there's always so much going on, there's so many different trends, there's this going on, that going on but just do the thing that feels right to you and what you enjoy doing because you have to enjoy creating the content. You'll only go on for so long if you aren't enjoying it and you're not just doing it for the sake of what other people like. So yeah, do it for you and stay consistent, that is key.” Having made videos for nine years now, Anchal says, looking back, there are many that make her cringe but “I never take them down. They're all still there from the very beginning just because it's a journey, it's who I was and who I am and it's like even though they make me cringe, I just think it's so important for people to see the growth and to see that it's been like a real journey. It's been hard. So you'll see probably my background change so many times and it was really bad at the start, so we've come a long way.”

Indeed she has, which is why for now, she’s just enjoying soaking up this moment of having published her debut novel. “It's amazing,” she gushes. “Honestly it's so surreal. It's like a pinch me moment every day, I wake up and it's on my coffee table at home. Like my mum and dad have it on display and it's just, it's really, really surreal. I don’t know if I've fully like taken in what's happened yet because I've just been on a constant, oh my god, this is happening and this is happening and this is happening, but I think once I get a break in, I'll be able to soak it all in and be like wow, I did that.” Reflecting on readers’ responses so far, she says, “when people DM me saying like I got it today and I've read it, I'm halfway through, I haven't been able to put it down all day or, you know, oh my god, I could relate to this or you've literally written my life, I'm just like blown away, I'm so shocked. So yeah, it's really, really amazing and I'm so grateful. So yeah, it's crazy because I actually like didn’t do very well in school, so now I've written a book. I'm like this is an even better moment.” Perhaps that is why (and rightfully so), she has no regrets.

As for the future she says, “if I'm honest with you, I don’t have massive plans. I'm someone that goes with the flow because if you asked me, even a year ago in January last year, oh do you have a plan of writing a book, I probably would have been like me, write a book? No. But opportunities always come and I'm someone that’s very open to everything and I'm always willing to work hard in whatever I do do and ideas just come. Like I get ideas in the shower. I get ideas all the time, so I don’t make huge plans. I literally just see where life takes me because it's way more exciting.” This fluidity with a life path is another reason why Anchal makes such a great role model for young brown girls who are often pressured by the community to create a plan and then stick to it. An author, podcaster and YouTuber, is there kind of an area of creativity that she hasn’t explored yet that she would like to? “I've dabbled into presenting,” she says. “That’s something I would love to do more of. Yeah and possibly, I don’t know, eventually have like my own business or something but I have no idea what that is yet.”

As for whether she writes a second book or not, she says audiences will have to wait and see but she hopes that this book “inspires brown girls to think about themselves and put themselves first and literally just stop thinking about other people's opinions and like if you want to go on holiday with your friends, go on holiday with your friends. If you want to wear a bikini by the pool and post it on Instagram do it. Because at the end of the day, people, the aunties or anyone, are going to talk badly about you regardless. I just want brown girls to be more in control of their own lives and feel happy doing so as well.” She may be rare in the beauty influencer community but she’s a diamond for south Asians for sure.

Anchal Seda is appearing at the DESIblitz Literature Festival on 30th September. Free Tickets to her event are available here.